Not that any of you really care, but you're still people I consider friends and may or may not be interested in my life. Even if it's not going to be read, just typing it out makes me feel better. Love you guys <3
So Happy drunken CuJo from last night turned into grumpy annoyed CuJo by the end of the night because stupid me can't control his stupid feelings.
The time away from Brendan that I want has not been mutually agreed, in fact, on wednesday, in reply to me telling him i like him and need to distance myself a bit from him was "You should come to the Gym with me, you'd make a good spot".. And that night he asked me what time i was showing up to the bar, to which i replied "I never said i was going anywhere?" and he was like, i assumed you would be.. and then he showed up and found us, and I gave him the cold shoulder, and he got all butthurt and sad and went all solo in the patio section in the cold winter weather, and i noticed this a few times and felt super bad so eventually just went and talked to him. Fuck it was cold outside.
Basically he said he's sorry he leads me on and that he wasn't gay because he really wants me to be happy and doesn't want me to struggle being around him, and how Candice is like his perfect girl (for some reason) and that he doesn't like being used for 1 night stands and that me and my friends are genuine good people.
So we were on better terms, the last 2 times at the bar he is the same way he was before I told him I like him, which he says he's just a flirty person overall. But it doesn't make it easy to be around him, especially when he says he's sorry for leading me on, but doesn't stop. But yea, saturday night I just got pissy for no apparent reason and just lost all my fun-ness and felt like a complete D-bag cause I was isolating myself. I have the tendency to close myself off to people I'm close to when upset.
I'm still trying to figure myself out and such, and not sure how to go about this whole Brendan situation, but I do want to stay in the friend zone, I just need to learn to separate my feelings. Hopefully this happens sooner than later.